It Paid Off!

Today we went on a 5 mile hike in Sedona! Up and down ...rocks and gravel..slippery and wet...we walked it all!

The trail ended at a creek and while the others crossed over I sat on the rocks! It is here I reflected once again..giving thanks for the second chance at a healthy life!

I was pretty impressed with my body's reaction or lack of reaction ...yes I breathed a little heavy but not once did I feel like I needed to stop..even after a little slip!

I saw an older woman out on the trail running and that looked intriguing...so that maybe something I look into!

March Madness = March Happiness

The Minnesota Gophers are making this month of madness something to cheer about...the women's hockey team is set to play for the national title and the men's basketball team is proving to be a team to be aware of...go Gophers...

Another fun thing happening today is my half brother, Steve Thayer, is celebrating his 60th birthday! What a rockstar! Memories of Steve go far and deep..while in my youth he was someone I was able to lean on and be a pesty teen around!

Happy Birthday Steve!

Today is March 23rd and I have my own celebration going on in my head! Today marks 11 months since I started this journey to wellness!

I want to share with you some clarification from my last entry! I was not a sad nor depressed kid growing up! I had a great childhood filled with lots and lots of Joy! We had the best Christmases...filled with family and friends...birthdays never passed without some sort of party...and a bike on our 6th birthday ...oh and the camping memories ...we travelled far and wide..Black Hills, Hayward, Brainerd etc!

My last entry was only meant as an explanation of how messages can mess with your head and cause you to not take care of yourself. My mother was not evil she has had bad messages planted in her head and the cycle continues if one is not careful...

I have learned so much over these last 11months. I have learned..

-To push my body
-To eat right
-That I control what goes into my mouth
-That I really don't need diet coke or anything caffeinated
-That in the right setting and with the right people working out can be awesome
-That my love for running is REAL
-That I am indeed getting older but that I can slow down the affects
-That when you make the choice to change you will lose some friends...BUT make new ones too!!
-that through good examples I can teach others how to make changes (Lydia)
-oh oh oh I have learned to listen to my body...to take breaks and that it is okay to splurge...or cheat!

But the best thing I have learned is to...

Look up and into the mirror and LOVE what I see!

Big(gest)Loser...11 months going strong...

The last couple weeks of Biggest Loser really hit me hard...in the heart!  I cried listening to their stories...the parts of how and why their bodies got out of control...their feelings of loss and unworthiness! 

I CAN totally relate...

First off let me tell you that I now know that I am good person and worthy of all that is good in this world...but I have come to realize that that hasn't always been the truth...I was given some pretty strong messages growing up that were hard to shake...but when getting them I didn't know any better..

Disclaimer:  What I am about to write is not meant to hurt anyone...it is my story..part of me that I feel needs to be told...I love my family and I have no regrets...

Growing up...from the age of lets say 10 on up I knew I was an athlete.  But back then there wasn't many outlets for females in the athletic world...but in the 4th grade I remember a girls softball team forming and I eagerly signing up...and playing and loving it...BUT NO ONE ever came to watch me play..NO ONE... I went on to play Volleyball and Softball in High School and never had a spectator

Growing up...I was warned to not get pregnant...(duh) BECAUSE I would not have anyone to help me raise that child..so I never really had relationships with boys in my teens...

Growing up...My dad died when I was 15 going on 16...to this day I miss my dad..I wonder what my life would have been...but then I realize that I wouldn't probably have my husband or girls...so no regrets just wonderment and occasional sadness...

Growing up...I was encouraged to drink and smoke cigarettes because it was the only way I would stay thin...

I have to say here that I was not overweight in High School...I wasn't thin...but not big...It was in college that I started putting on weight...again not huge..just not thin...

When I became an adult....and was pretty sure I was going to be engaged (actually I knew I was going to be cuz I told my then boyfriend...lol...to go buy me a ring with his tax return...he did)  I was told to not show off my ring because it wasn't THAT big of a deal...

CRUSHING...

So as you can see I was given some pretty strong messages about self-worth.  Another message I got was that I should idolize males..especially my brother...and to just stay quiet when he was being rude......(I love my brother..he is a good person and great dad) 

Please remember that I was well educated at this time...I had spent 4 years on my own...

Somewhere along the way I received one of those books that was from my mother...where she filled out the statements...

One that resonated with me was:  One thing I worry about ________________ (the blank was filled in with "your weight" WHAT?  

I was able to push many of these messages aside because I met a pretty fantastic man...someone who loved me for who I was...we started a family pretty much right away...and I loved being a mom...and I adored my children...I dedicated my life to them...I think I went to every event they were involved in...except one YMCA camp thing and some track meets (I am still sad about those Lindsay!) 

I put on lots of weight while pregnant...but I didn't really focus on that because I can really say I was happy...and busy...and working full time...

But those messages I mentioned above never really went away...I played and replayed them over and over...and stuffed my feelings...and fell in love (lol) with Diet Coke and chips and Girl Scout cookies and candy...and processed food...

One day...in 2012 I woke up...and I said enough...stop the pity party...I thought long and hard about the messages I was given growing up and said ENOUGH...

It was in 2012 that I decided that I have a lot to lose...if I didn't get my health back...if I didn't start taking care of myself..

So here it is 2013...2012 was amazing..2013 is looking up to be even better...

I am planning to keep working on my body

To find a sport to play...maybe Tennis

To train for and complete a Triathlon

I am still working on letting all those messages go...and to love myself!